I know a lot of y’all that read my blog don’t watch our YouTube videos, but this has been on my heart, and I actually intended to make it a blog before it became this vlog. Apparently, my mouth got ahead of my fingers..
I wanted to share it here so maybe others can comment with their experiences as a convert.
I converted to the church in 2008 after my youngest child was born. It was the best thing to happen to me and my children.
I loved our church, loved the people in it and finally found my “place” in religion. I was welcomed in that ward, even though I was a convert, and I was made to feel welcomed and wanted. The other mothers took the time to get to know me and my children and invited us on activities. Then I moved to a new place where cliques were rampant and people didn’t seem so eager to welcome the convert. – Of course this doesn’t speak for everybody, but the majority of people made me feel this way. – It became a struggle to go to church. Then some things happened that made me feel really bad and like I was forgotten. Anger, and self-pity boiled inside me and I basically quit going to church for most of last year. It wasn’t that I had issues with the church, it was just the people inside it.
The entire time we were away I don’t remember getting one phone call, one text, or even one message on Facebook asking about our absence. I think the week that we were planning on going back I finally did receive one text, but that was it… for a YEAR! (We went to church maybe 10 times last year) As I stated in my video, I know its not their job to check up on me, but when one of their own was struggling, I think they should have noticed and cared enough to find out why. In my last ward if I even missed one day they would call to find out why. It’s hard enough being a convert in the church and that ward seemed to understand it a lot better than my current one.
Anyway, I mentioned before that I am moving to a better, less run down, house in the near future, and one reason – apart from the crappy house – is to get back into my old ward. To prepare for that I’ve started going to church again. The kids have missed it and I have too. They love going, and especially love going to primary. So, when I took them to find their new classroom at the beginning of the year, I couldn’t, mostly because I’m always confused how the Primary classes work. One of the girls (I’m assuming a part of the Primary Presidency) told me that the children’s names were on the outside of their classrooms. I looked; mine weren’t on there! She insisted that they were and I told her MY KIDS were not on there.. Others were, but not mine. I felt like going into the bathroom and crying. (sidenote: if you watch the video, you can see how emotional I got just talking about it in the car after church.)
At that moment I realized we had missed so much church that they just removed my children from the list of kids. I was hurt. I was sad, but most of all I felt unwelcome. I know that we had missed a lot of church, but we didn’t move out of the ward! It felt like they had just written my children off and forgot about us. The worst part was that nobody even bothered to find out why. I could just picture them in my mind adding kids names to the lists and when they got to my kids saying “Oh, they don’t come anymore” and nothing further being said.
So, today as I’m in the middle of vlogging I received a phone call.. from the missionaries. They wanted to know if they could come by sometime soon. Did somebody from the church watch my vlog and say something? I don’t know, but I think God has a funny way of making things work out.
My question is for you converts, did you ever go through a period where you felt like you didn’t fit in? If so, how did you overcome it?